Summersnow

fold-up threedimension barbie - Wednesday, September 16, 2009 @ 6:12 PM

fuckyou.it doesn't mean that you're having a bad day or is pissed by i-don't-give-a-damn-who, means you can behaving as though you own the whole fucking world.

i'd just flipped through the remnants of my previous life.
the life of the pond scum where she hadn't been bimbotic, pretentious, conscientious, ostentatious, slutty, bitchy or a fucking whore.
i saw my industrious newspaper and magazine paper cuttings of ashley tisdale, hannah montana, vanessa hudges and edward cullen.
when i listen to hannah montana, i dance. i sing. and i don't care.
i don't care if people don't like my voice, i don't care if i can't dance for nuts, i don't car if there's thousands of anti-mileys in the world.
but is that the world where i belong? or rather, where i used to belong.

where i didn't like girls. where i studied. where i topped maths and science. where i became teacher's pet. where i treated my juniors like my daughters. where i loved my seniors as though they were my blood-sisters. where i didn't know the difference between channel no.5 and channel no.19. where i didn't know what the hell was the reason for msn. where i loved long telephone calls. where i loved my friends. where i loved my cca. where i loved hannah montana. where was history.

or is this the real side of me-
when i'm with krystal, i'm a full-blown bitch who gossips and backstabs.
when i'm with jarule/nicole/zemin/lynn, i'm a fun person who does the most ridiculous things in the world and infects everyone with laughter and vice versa.
when i'm with yixin, i'm a bitch again spluttering profanities like the sulphur dioxide in the atmosphere.
when i'm with guys, i'm a ninty nine percent whore.
when i'm with music, i'm emotional.
when i'm with books, i'm erotic and inspired.
when i'm with my family, i'm torn between distaste and love.
when i'm with teachers, i'm a suck-up.
when i'm with seniors, i'm with a plastered smile that's so loose, it drops off once i reach home.
when i'm with myself, i'm sick. like ill. not horny.

i think i'm like the changing-faces chinese opera, sometimes when things move too fast, you forgot which mask you're supposed to put on. and sometimes, you feel like just washing off the cake of make-up off your skin.

it's really surprising that how i can cry through miley cyrus' when i look at you and then manage to sing wake up america and fly on the wall without breaking my voice. but the tears don't stop. am i my voice? the one that changes so quickly, it blurs. or am my eyes? the frozen lake.

i miss wenmin.
i need her here right now, to tell me over msn. that god created this life for me and that i should enjoy it. she'd tell me to look on the brighter sides of life. and quote from the bible. and i'll read her favorite verse once and all over again. till i say amen.

and i need to start learning break-up songs. i just deleted i'd lie from my songbase cause it reminds me of that son of a bitch. i deleted, i'm only me when i'm with you. love story is off too. hey stephen's out. i want to learn 7things but the chords are bloody difficult. maybe i'll stick with breathe, tell me why, should've said no. all the break-up songs. songs that remind me that the last people on earth that you should trust are guys. be it 3year olds, 15years olds, 29year olds or 32year olds.

no one knows how much i want one of my dreams in life (a clue: the 'to get r-'). how desperate i want pain to mask over the emotional distress everything's thrown me into. even maths couldn't take the pounding questions against my skull. i did math, lifelessly. algebra never cheats you. graphs never decieve you. the calculator doesn't and will never lie. it's fool-proof! nothing ever goes wrong. but even the most difficult question can no longer take up the job of numbing me from life's events. and it's getting so hard to breathe these days, i wouldn't mind being hung now. let me tongue droop out. let me eyes pop the hell out of my socket. let my skin turn pale. let me dangle from the ceiling with lifeless limbs. let me see how death looks like in person.

i no longer want to belong to a sterotype. jockey, cheerleader, nerds.
i no longer care about the adolescence rule - it's time to fit, not stand out.
i no longer need to plaster a smile on my face when i come to school.
i no longer must sound strong, and not naseous, over msn.

i want to be r- (fill in the blanks, especially my dancer, you know 'em all)
i want to be involved in a car accident
i hope i can be down with aneroxia
i hope i can fall from heights and then let me brain be squashed. let the neurons and nerves flow out. like from a juice. feel the excruciating pain. feel the blood oozing out. the warmth where the wound is.

maybe i'm freaking you out with my normal NC16 kind of writing-
i think i'll just get back to writing private stories where no one in the world would ever bother to read.
but like i said - I DONT CARE.

i miss veronica. my shannen-like girlfriend who gorgeous and hilarious. i miss you alot.
i miss elizabeth. my sweetie pie who is so darn cute.
i miss the people who've played such a significant part in my life and made me complete with your smiles. where are you- i no longer want to live a state of war and jealousy and backstabbing. i no longer want to compete in the social heirachy. i no longer wish to participate in school politics. i no longer want to be dampened by relationships.

when you cry, you lose mineral salts.
what about draining off my calories.
if crying and ranting are as calorie-burning as sex, i don't mind taking it up as a hobby.
depression already looms like the horizon, no point stopping.

i'm just like a threedimensional barbie doll. fold me up into your best friend when you want me. tear me up or shove me back into the box when i'm no longer needed.
-A-

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ALGAE Entries Affliates Others
Goodmorning This is the Algae Residences How may I help you,	Autobiography My best friend is the guitar. &I never need boyfriends. I fall in love easily. With random things like country music, vampires,romance novels&colorful pens. To me, Taylor Swift&The Saturdays are awesome. I love little black dresses&scarves. In my spare time, I like to design cards&conduct random science experiments like dipping eggs into acid. Yeah&unlike normal humans, I like science, converging lenses&relative atomic masses included. Secretly, I want to be a doctor& a guitarist on the spy when I grow up. I love nonsense people who make me laugh. &yes, I love inviting people to my house&being invited to other's houses. I hate raindrops, airplanes, Jacob Black&jerks. No, I'd never though that I was smart/gorgeous/talented. I'm just a green colored pond scum. A bitchy one to be precise. P.S My bitchiness is inherited, so beware of my mom. P.S And currently, I'm desperate for a new phone&a pair of flipflops. Indigo'09 1Hcube'08 2HighOnHiccups'09 Modern dancer bolditalicunderline~~strikeout~~	fold-up threedimension barbie - Wednesday, September 16, 2009 @ 6:12 PM fuckyou.it doesn't mean that you're having a bad day or is pissed by i-don't-give-a-damn-who, means you can behaving as though you own the whole fucking world. i'd just flipped through the remnants of my previous life. the life of the pond scum where she hadn't been bimbotic, pretentious, conscientious, ostentatious, slutty, bitchy or a fucking whore. i saw my industrious newspaper and magazine paper cuttings of ashley tisdale, hannah montana, vanessa hudges and edward cullen. when i listen to hannah montana, i dance. i sing. and i don't care. i don't care if people don't like my voice, i don't care if i can't dance for nuts, i don't car if there's thousands of anti-mileys in the world. but is that the world where i belong? or rather, where i used to belong. where i didn't like girls. where i studied. where i topped maths and science. where i became teacher's pet. where i treated my juniors like my daughters. where i loved my seniors as though they were my blood-sisters. where i didn't know the difference between channel no.5 and channel no.19. where i didn't know what the hell was the reason for msn. where i loved long telephone calls. where i loved my friends. where i loved my cca. where i loved hannah montana. where was history. or is this the real side of me- when i'm with krystal, i'm a full-blown bitch who gossips and backstabs. when i'm with jarule/nicole/zemin/lynn, i'm a fun person who does the most ridiculous things in the world and infects everyone with laughter and vice versa. when i'm with yixin, i'm a bitch again spluttering profanities like the sulphur dioxide in the atmosphere. when i'm with guys, i'm a ninty nine percent whore. when i'm with music, i'm emotional. when i'm with books, i'm erotic and inspired. when i'm with my family, i'm torn between distaste and love. when i'm with teachers, i'm a suck-up. when i'm with seniors, i'm with a plastered smile that's so loose, it drops off once i reach home. when i'm with myself, i'm sick. like ill. not horny. i think i'm like the changing-faces chinese opera, sometimes when things move too fast, you forgot which mask you're supposed to put on. and sometimes, you feel like just washing off the cake of make-up off your skin. it's really surprising that how i can cry through miley cyrus' when i look at you and then manage to sing wake up america and fly on the wall without breaking my voice. but the tears don't stop. am i my voice? the one that changes so quickly, it blurs. or am my eyes? the frozen lake. i miss wenmin. i need her here right now, to tell me over msn. that god created this life for me and that i should enjoy it. she'd tell me to look on the brighter sides of life. and quote from the bible. and i'll read her favorite verse once and all over again. till i say amen. and i need to start learning break-up songs. i just deleted i'd lie from my songbase cause it reminds me of that son of a bitch. i deleted, i'm only me when i'm with you. love story is off too. hey stephen's out. i want to learn 7things but the chords are bloody difficult. maybe i'll stick with breathe, tell me why, should've said no. all the break-up songs. songs that remind me that the last people on earth that you should trust are guys. be it 3year olds, 15years olds, 29year olds or 32year olds. no one knows how much i want one of my dreams in life (a clue: the 'to get r-'). how desperate i want pain to mask over the emotional distress everything's thrown me into. even maths couldn't take the pounding questions against my skull. i did math, lifelessly. algebra never cheats you. graphs never decieve you. the calculator doesn't and will never lie. it's fool-proof! nothing ever goes wrong. but even the most difficult question can no longer take up the job of numbing me from life's events. and it's getting so hard to breathe these days, i wouldn't mind being hung now. let me tongue droop out. let me eyes pop the hell out of my socket. let my skin turn pale. let me dangle from the ceiling with lifeless limbs. let me see how death looks like in person. i no longer want to belong to a sterotype. jockey, cheerleader, nerds. i no longer care about the adolescence rule - it's time to fit, not stand out. i no longer need to plaster a smile on my face when i come to school. i no longer must sound strong, and not naseous, over msn. i want to be r- (fill in the blanks, especially my dancer, you know 'em all) i want to be involved in a car accident i hope i can be down with aneroxia i hope i can fall from heights and then let me brain be squashed. let the neurons and nerves flow out. like from a juice. feel the excruciating pain. feel the blood oozing out. the warmth where the wound is. maybe i'm freaking you out with my normal NC16 kind of writing- i think i'll just get back to writing private stories where no one in the world would ever bother to read. but like i said - I DONT CARE. i miss veronica. my shannen-like girlfriend who gorgeous and hilarious. i miss you alot. i miss elizabeth. my sweetie pie who is so darn cute. i miss the people who've played such a significant part in my life and made me complete with your smiles. where are you- i no longer want to live a state of war and jealousy and backstabbing. i no longer want to compete in the social heirachy. i no longer wish to participate in school politics. i no longer want to be dampened by relationships. when you cry, you lose mineral salts. what about draining off my calories. if crying and ranting are as calorie-burning as sex, i don't mind taking it up as a hobby. depression already looms like the horizon, no point stopping. i'm just like a threedimensional barbie doll. fold me up into your best friend when you want me. tear me up or shove me back into the box when i'm no longer needed. -A- back to the top?	affiliates ♥Aksone♥ ♥Aliah♥ ♥Aishu♥ ♥Atikah♥ ♥Amadea♥ ♥Amanda♥ ♥Anita♥ ♥Beverly♥ ♥Boonboonhuihui♥ ♥Carin♥ ♥Celastine♥ ♥Celine♥ ♥Celine♥ ♥Chewan♥ ♥Christina♥ ♥Clara♥ ♥Conny♥ ♥Crystal♥ ♥Daphne♥ ♥Dayna♥ ♥Denise♥ ♥Eugenia♥ ♥Evangelyn♥ ♥Flower♥ ♥Geraldine♥ ♥Haining♥ ♥Huijie♥ ♥Huiying♥ ♥Jelaine♥ ♥Irene♥ ♥Iznayye♥ ♥Jarule♥ ♥Jeremy♥ ♥Jiaying♥ ♥Jolene♥ ♥Kimberly♥ ♥Kor Woong♥ ♥Krystal♥ ♥Laura♥ ♥Lingyi♥ ♥Lynnette♥ ♥Maika♥ ♥Mardiana♥ ♥Minying♥ ♥Nadene♥ ♥Nadiah♥ ♥Natasha♥ ♥Nicole♥ ♥Miss Claire♥ ♥Pamphila♥ ♥Plingy♥ ♥Sarah♥ ♥Vanessa♥ ♥Xinya♥ ♥Yingyi♥	credits Layout: Nic ole Inspiration: Taylor Swift Color Codes: Html Color Codes monthly archive » July 2008 » August 2008 » September 2008 » October 2008 » November 2008 » December 2008 » January 2009 » February 2009 » March 2009 » April 2009 » May 2009 » June 2009 » July 2009 » August 2009 » September 2009 » October 2009 » November 2009 » December 2009 » January 2010 » February 2010 » March 2010 » April 2010 » May 2010 » June 2010 » July 2010 » August 2010 » September 2010 » October 2010 » November 2010 » December 2010 » January 2011 daily archive » when the waves are flooding the shore- » just when it's getting cold i set my heart to sleep » forever for me is fine » first thought when i wake up » yes i could tell you » i'm only up when you're not down » i took a chance » just plain - » Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the midd... » all over again